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If only I had bras like JZ

@PaddyHarper1 23 October 2014 16:39

Thursday morning. The last day of Mampara Week. Where I come from, that’s the week before payday.

Liftoff: An unmanned spacecraft is launched atop an advanced Long March 3C rocket from the Xichang Satellite Launch Centre in southwest China’s Sichuan Province, on Friday (October 24 2014). China launched the experimental spacecraft to fly around the moon and back to Earth in preparation for the country’s first unmanned return trip to the lunar surface.

Picture: Jiang Hongjing/Xinhua/AP

Spinning into a heroin oblivion

@PaddyHarper1 15 October 2014 14:01

Tuesday morning. I’m standing on the corner of Stephen Dlamini and St Thomas roads. I’m watching one of the whoonga heads sheltering from the sun in the lee of an electricity box trying to revive his smacked-up bra. They’re both battling.

Hot or Not

  • This Week

    Hot:

    Shakes Mashaba for turning no-hopers Bafana Bafana into a respectable outfit. They are unbeaten in four matches, and are on course to qualify for the 2015 Africa Cup of Nations finals after a 3-0 away victory over Sudan, a goalless home draw against Nigeria, a 2-0 away win over Congo Brazzaville and a goalless draw at home. Bafana have yet to concede a goal under Mashaba.

    Not:

    A media monitoring company ­reported on Friday that Brett ­Kebble’s killer, Mikey Schultz, snapped up 30% of the previous day’s media coverage of the Oscar Pistorius trial – just by being in court. This may be the highlight
    of Schultz’s life because his only claim to fame up to now is getting away with murder.

  • Previous Weeks

    Hot:

    He was hot as director-general in the Treasury and hotter as deputy governor of the Reserve Bank. But you can’t get much hotter than having your signature on every SA banknote. Lesetja Kganyago will succeed Gill Marcus as Reserve Bank governor next month. It was only a matter of time before someone of his calibre was rewarded with a top post.

    Not:

    Lonmin has failed to show it did all it could to improve labour relations at its Marikana mine, which exploded into mayhem in 2012. Its executives performed dismally at the Marikana Commission of Inquiry when they took the stand. This week, it gagged an NGO that sought to present findings of transfer pricing and tax dodging.

  • Previous Weeks

    Hot:

    National Under-17 side Amajimbos for completing a hat-trick of SA soccer teams to qualify for next year’s major continental competitions. It has been a fairy tale for the national teams since Banyana qualified for the African Women’s Championship, followed by Amajita (U-20) and now Amajimbos, who are going to Niger. Bafana have many reasons to follow suit.

    Not:

    Water and Sanitation Minister Nomvula Mokonyane attributed the three weeks of water stoppages around Gauteng to “a technical glitch”. Clearly, the minister lives in a bubble. Water is a basic right and being deprived of this for three weeks while officials try to figure out the problem, is just
    not on.

  • Previous Weeks

    Hot:

    Since the collapse of the guesthouse at Nigerian preacher TB Joshua’s Synagogue Church of All Nations, the South African government has been there to lend its hand. Even through a difficult time to get information from its counterpart in Nigeria and from Joshua, our government has looked after the South African victims. A caring government leads from the front.

    Not:

    God comes in different forms and is worshipped differently. First, Pastor Lesego Daniel of Rabboni Centre Ministries in Tshwane made his congregants eat grass. But his latest stunt is really worrying. His church members are now drinking petrol, which he claims he has turned into juice through prayer, all in the name of the lord.

  • Previous Weeks

    Hot:

    The people of Scotland have spoken and it is a clear result. A true reflection of democracy took place this week, when 85% of the eligible Scottish population took to the polls to vote for or against independence from the United Kingdom. While those who wanted independence (45%) didn’t get their way, it is clear democracy is alive and well.

    Not:

    But this is not the case in the tiny mountain kingdom of Lesotho, where there was an attempted coup last month. On Friday, police and ­military exchanged fire as the country battles to return to ­normality. Only strict adherence to democratic rule can free the country of its problems.

Bigotry and other dark arts

@City_Press #Trending 2 October 2014 13:45

Malibongwe Tyilo and his friends made a promise never to let potential racist, sexist or homophobic attitudes stop them from seeing the beautiful small towns dotted around SA. But a recent trip to an arts festival in Prince Albert had them gritting their teeth.

Those prophets and their profits … and a nude beach frolic

@PaddyHarper1 23 September 2014 15:51

Tuesday morning. I’ve been reunited with the Croc after two weeks. The poor bastard has been on wedding duty. I’ve dodged the bullet for both of the Kingdom’s big celebrity hitchings.

Heels over Head: Disneyland for democracy

#Trending 21 September 2014 15:00

Carien du Plessis had a few precious hours of free time during the US-Africa Leaders Summit in Washington, and, after a few Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, took a run through DC’s Disneyland for democracy.

Defending Jacob Zuma with skinny bum is gluteus eventualis

@City_Press 16 September 2014 11:53

Tuesday morning. The beginning of the working week for us Tuesday-to-Saturday punters.

News

Quotable

We encourage the families to take comfort from the knowledge that the greater part of the preparatory work has already been done.
Minister in the Presidency Jeff Radebe on the repatriation of the victims of the Lagos building collapse

Lighter Side

All Cartoons