TV Guide: TLC’s joyfully trashy TV
Mokgadi Seabi reckons that dodgy weddings, strange obsessions and disorders are just some of the ways TLC’s tragically trashy shows can make you feel much better about your own life
I love watching TV and I’m not ashamed to say it.
But that’s not to say I’ll be in the front of the queue when it comes to admitting I’ve found my remote control leading me to Discovery TLC (DStv Channel 172), where they embrace all things trashy with abandon.
When DStv launched this channel just more than a year ago, they punted it as “female-skewed lifestyle, reality and factual entertainment”.
True to its word, the programmes don’t get any more real or eyebrow-raisingly factual.
I’m talking people who give birth without knowing they were pregnant, obese children, strange fetishes, ridiculous hoarders (imagine finding cat skeletons under piles), and questionable parenting shows Toddlers and Tiaras (Mondays to Fridays, 7.30pm) and Outrageous Kid Parties (Saturdays, 6.40pm).
I’m not judgemental, but there are some cases that just go too far.
Let’s start with the aptly named Strange Attractions (Mondays to Fridays, 10.50pm).
It focuses on people with sexual disorders and unusual fetishes, and finds solutions to their problems.
Mind you, these individuals are only too happy to expose their embarrassing problems, which include persistent genital arousal disorder, sexsomnia and micropenis.
Then there’s I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant (Tuesdays, 11.15pm).
How do people go through a whole term of pregnancy unaware until the day a baby pops out while standing in a supermarket queue?
I mean, honestly …
Sadly, we all need to stay strong because on top of all these disasters lies My Crazy Obsession (Fridays, 9.10pm), which profiles people fixated on weird things like the Oval Office, carrots, blow-up dolls and being an adult baby.
There’s also Long Island Medium (Tuesdays, 9pm), an unscripted reality show about Theresa Caputo from Hicksville (too easy), New York, who claims to communicate with dead people.
The creepy thing about this Jerseylicious-type psychic is that she does readings at random places like ATMs.
You love weddings, right?
Avoid watching Left at the Altar (Fridays, 9.10pm) and My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, where tacky is the theme on every episode.
But you can snuggle up with your partner to watch Swinger Wives (Fridays, 10pm), where four women show us how to juggle being normal moms by day and swingers by night. Interesting viewing, no?
You can make yourself feel better by watching others reveal their not-so-secret body issues on My Naked Secret.
These issues include hanging stomachs, sagging or overly large breasts and extreme facial hair.
Ultimately, when you feel life is handing you a bad deal, simply tune in to TLC to experience true suffering.